Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day that naturally pulls our attention toward gratitude… But rather than the usual “make a list of what you’re thankful for” exercise, I want to offer you something a little deeper.

I’d like for you to consider gratitude not as something you should do.

Not as a list you create or check off.

Not as a moment of forced positivity while you are scrambling to get all the side dishes and a turkey on the table.

I’d like you consider gratitude as a spotlight.
Wherever you shine it, things become brighter.

And the opposite is also true - whatever you don’t shine it on fades into the background, maybe even going entirely unnoticed.

If you wake up in the morning thinking, “Oh boy, this day is going to be stressful,” your brain will go on a scavenger hunt to prove you right. Your spotlight will be shining on all things STRESSFUL.

But when you start the day thinking, “There is good here, and I want to see it,” you begin seeing things you might have missed - your spouse making coffee, a conversation with your child, the warmth of your home (especially around the holidays!), or a friend who texted just to check in. When you look for it - shining that spotlight of gratitude on the good - those small moments of kindness and connection become easier to notice.

Gratitude doesn’t change your circumstances. It changes what’s illuminated, so you can see it more clearly.

Why This Matters for Your Relationships

Your brain is always scanning for evidence to confirm whatever you believe or expect. This is called the Reticular Activating System. If you expect negativity, you unintentionally filter out what’s positive. If you expect goodness, you literally start noticing more of it.

This goes for all of your relationships and why gratitude is such a powerful relationship tool.

In your marriage, for instance, if your spotlight is pointed toward what your partner isn’t doing, you’ll keep finding evidence of that. And while gratitude doesn’t ignore problems, it does prevent them from being the only thing in the light.

So if you remind yourself:

• I’m grateful for the way he shows up for our family.

• I’m grateful she is trying to communicate better.

• I’m grateful we are in this together.

…you’ll see more moments that confirm those things. They will get brighter and more visible in your spotlight.

Exciting News! There’s Something I’ve Been Working On…

I’ve been building a tool to make a daily practice of gratitude easier and more meaningful for couples - especially for those who crave deeper connection in their relationship. It’s a guided journal that makes the 1st of the 5 Simple Habits to Improve Your Relationship Today (download it from my website!) super simple and takes less than a minute a day!

I’ll share the official launch details soon, but Thanksgiving felt like the perfect day to tell you it’s almost ready!🎉

Practical Tools: The 5 Minute AM Reset

Here’s a simple practice I use myself and often give clients. It takes five minutes and can set the emotional tone for the day:

1. Name three things you’re grateful for right now.

Nothing is too small. The steam rising from your coffee counts.

2. Choose one and shine your spotlight on it.

Ask yourself:

• If I’m grateful for my spouse, how can I invest in him/her today?

• If I’m grateful for my kids, how can I slow down and create a moment of connection?

• If I’m grateful for my friends, who can I reach out to today?

3. End the day with this question:

“What did I see today that I would have missed if I hadn’t been looking for it?” This reinforces the practice of gratitude and shining your spotlight on the things you need and want to see.

This Week on the Podcast

If you want to go deeper into this idea, this week’s podcast episode explores how your attention shapes your emotional experience - and your relationships.

Inside the episode, I share:

• How your brain filters what you see

• The science behind gratitude and connection

• How appreciation creates connection

• How shining a spotlight on the good rebuilds trust and reduces resentment over time

It’s the perfect companion to today’s message. Click the links below to listen or watch, and please like, follow, subscribe or leave a review.

The more I’ve practiced being grateful and looking at gratitude as a spotlight, the more it’s strengthened my relationships - with KC, with my kids, even with myself. Gratitude keeps me grounded. It keep me moving forward. It keeps me aware of all the good.

Not because everything is perfect… but because I get to choose where I’m going to shine the light.

This Thanksgiving Day, my hope is that you feel warm, peaceful and connected to those you love. And even if your day is imperfect or complicated (so normal during the holidays!) that you may still find small moments worth illuminating that remind you there is love and goodness right in front of you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

With love and belief in you,

P.S. Loved this message? Please share it with a friend who could use it, or head to www.jenfunkcoaching.com to sign up for future newsletters and download my free relationship ebook - 5 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationship Today.

P.P.S. My Holiday Edition of Ask Jen is coming up soon! Send me your questions about relationships, boundaries, or communication during the holidays - your question might be featured on the episode!

Jen Funk, CPC
Certified Professional Life & Relationship Coach
Helping others create deeply connected, fulfilling relationships.
www.jenfunkcoaching.com