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Last week I shared about the bittersweet emotions of watching our kids step into new seasons of life, and how so many of us are feeling that tug between pride in who they’re becoming and sadness about how quickly time is passing. I know many of us are still sorting through big emotions this week as college drop-offs continue and a new school year begins. And when all are settled, and our babies are are doing what we raised them to do - maybe in another city, or even still under our roof but busy living their own lives - we have to stop and wonder: When the kids leave, what’s left? For many couples, this season shines a spotlight on the state of their marriage… sometimes in beautiful ways, sometimes in painful ones. This is often the moment we discover whether our relationship has truly been a priority or if it’s been quietly fading into the background. If your marriage has been nurtured along the way, you may feel excitement in rediscovering this new phase of life together. But if it hasn’t, this season might feel like the loneliest you’ve ever felt. This is why I believe the marriage should always come first - before kids, before jobs, before just about anything. At the end of the day, this is the relationship that carries us through life - the one person who is meant to walk beside us in every season. Prioritizing your marriage means choosing connection, friendship, and intimacy so that when the kids are busy or gone, you still have a partner you genuinely enjoy doing life with. And here’s the beautiful ripple effect… when we make our marriage strong and keep it healthy, it becomes one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. Watching love, respect, and teamwork lived out at home gives them stability while they’re growing up and confidence to move forward into their own lives without worrying about us when it’s time to go. On the flip side, when we don’t put our marriage first, the cost shows up in two ways. For us, it can leave the relationship feeling empty, distant, or even broken once the kids are grown and gone. For them, it often means carrying weight they were never meant to hold - whether that’s being leaned on for emotional support instead of our spouse, or feeling smothered with constant texts and calls as they head off to college… not because they need it, but because we do. But when our marriage is the foundation, we avoid both traps. We have a partner to truly share life with, our kids are free to be kids - and eventually, independent adults - while we continue to have a thriving relationship at the center of our home. Of course, every family story is different, and remarriages bring unique dynamics… but that’s a conversation for another day. For today, let’s focus on this: One day, the kids leave, and it’s just the two of you again. If You’ve Been Investing in Your Marriage Along the Way:This is your season to lean in and enjoy what you’ve built together! Keep fueling the connection by: Prioritizing time together. Protect regular date nights or simple routines that help you reconnect. Planning for fun. Try new adventures, trips, or hobbies as a way to discover more about each other. Deepening intimacy. Whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual, don’t let affection and closeness begin to fade. Dreaming out loud. Talk about the future… what do you want these next decades together to look like?
If You Haven’t Prioritized Your Marriage and Are Feeling Lost:It’s never too late to rebuild. Even small steps can make a big difference. Here are some things to try: Start with simple rituals. A morning coffee together, a walk after dinner, or checking in before bed. Get curious again. Ask your spouse questions you haven’t in years - about hopes, fears, or what excites them now. Create shared experiences. Sign up for a class, take a short trip, or start a hobby you can learn side by side. Be willing to get help. Coaching or counseling can give you tools to reconnect and start fresh.
At the end of the day, our marriage is the relationship that lasts beyond every season of parenting. When we choose to nurture it - through time together, laughter, affection, and even working through the hard things - we create a partnership that carries us through the quiet house and into the next chapter with joy instead of loneliness. And as a bonus, our kids reap the benefits too. They grow up watching what love, respect, and commitment look like, which gives them security as children and courage as adults to step into their own lives with confidence. Because one day, the kids leave. And when they do, what’s left is the marriage you’ve built. With love and belief in you,
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