Have you ever found yourself sitting on opposite ends of the couch and thinking… “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

Ugh. It’s such a terrible place and a terrible feeling. I know… because I’ve been there.

Back when our kids were small, I remember wondering… “Is this just a hard season? Or is this what our relationship is now?”

And the hardest part is that there’s no clear answer. So couples often choose to just “wait it out” or “see what happens.”

And what usually happens is a snowball effect: more disconnection, frustration, and exhaustion.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I recently heard that a couple I know has decided to split up.

And there was no cheating. No huge betrayal of any kind. They just couldn’t make it work.

And that always makes me so sad. Not because leaving is wrong - sometimes it is absolutely the right decision - but because I know how often people get to that point without ever really getting the help or tools they needed along the way.

And if you are feeling that way right now - disconnected, frustrated or exhausted - I want you to know that it doesn’t always mean your relationship is over.

Sometimes it means:

• you’ve been trying… but in the same ways that aren’t working

• you’ve been trying all by yourself

• or you’ve been living in a pattern neither of you knows how to break

And eventually, it just feels like too much.

So before you make a decision about staying or leaving, I want you to slow this down just a little, and consider a few things first:

1. Are you both still willing?

THIS is the real question… Are you and your partner:

• open & making an effort?

• willing to look at yourselves?

• willing to get help?

Because if both people are still willing… then there is something to work with.

2. Is there anything left to build on?

This is where you really look at the foundation of your relationship:

• Do you feel ok being yourself in this relationship?

• Is there still care between you?

• Is there something there you’d want to rebuild if it felt better?

Willingness matters - but it has to be paired with something worth rebuilding.

3. Have you actually had the conversation?

Not in the middle of a fight or when you’re both feeling frustrated… but an honest, calm moment of:

“I don’t want to keep going like this. I care about us… but we need help.”

A lot of people leave without ever saying this part out loud.

4. Have you tried getting real support?

Not just talking to friends or reading a book (can be good ideas, but not enough)… I mean actual support:

• therapy

• coaching

• something that gives you new tools and strategies

I assure you that, had KC and I not gotten professional help in those early years, there is no way we would still be married.

The habits and patterns that got us into that place are not the same ones that brought us out of it. We had to learn new ones. And in order to learn, we had to be taught.

So if you’re sitting in that very hard in-between right now in your relationship…

I just want you to know, you don’t have to rush this decision. You can slow it down. Really look at the foundation. And you can try something different before you decide.

If you want to go deeper, I walk through all of this and more in this week’s podcast episode:

🎧 Should I Leave My Relationship? What to Do Before You Walk Away

You can watch or listen using the links below. (And if you do - please like, follow and subscribe! Or you can leave a review or a comment and let me know what you think of it!)

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay… but I don’t actually know how to start changing this…”

Start simple. Ask yourself those 4 questions. Have the conversation with your partner. Then reach out for help if you’ve tried all you can on your own.

If you need support and want to explore coaching, I’d love to talk with you. Sometimes just talking it through out loud is the first step. Just hit reply to this email to contact me.

And if you’re willing to make some small changes that have big impact TODAY, you can also download my 5 Simple Habits to Improve Your Relationship Today.

I believe we all deserve a relationship that feels connected, safe, and alive. So before you walk away from something that once had that…

Don’t ask yourself “Should I leave?”

The better question is, “Have we done everything possible to stay?”

With love and belief in you,

P.S. Don’t forget to share this newsletter with your partner and your friends, and they can sign up to receive it themselves HERE. And if you want additional relationship support, check out these resources:

• Download my free guide: 5 Simple Habits to Improve Your Relationship Today

• Grab a copy of the new Couples Gratitude Journal (it’s the easiest daily reset you’ll ever try - just one minute a day!)

• Explore other free resources and learn how to work with me at jenfunkcoaching.com.

Jen Funk, CPC
Certified Professional Life & Relationship Coach
Helping people create deeply connected, fulfilling relationships.
www.jenfunkcoaching.com