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Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, and warm wishes to you wherever you find yourself today! Whether your day is full and festive, quiet and reflective, or just another day on the calendar, I’m really glad you are reading this. Because this week - the one between Christmas and the New Year - is a strange one. The buildup is over. The pressure drops off. And suddenly you’re left with an unsettled feeling that’s hard to explain. Here’s what’s important to understand about this week: This week can distort how things feel. (Especially how you feel about your relationship!) For most people (myself included), we’re exhausted by the end of December. We’ve been running ourselves ragged preparing for the holidays, trying to meet year-end expectations at work, or simply keeping everything going. This week is also a time of reflection for many people - and reflection can bring disappointment. The holidays weren’t what you hoped… or the year didn’t turn out the way you imagined. Maybe some things didn’t change the way you wanted them to. And for many of us, the holidays also have a way of reopening grief. We are reminded of those we love who should have been here… but they weren’t. Whether it’s exhaustion, reflection, disappointment or grief, all of it can leave you feeling unsettled. And when we feel unsettled, our brains go looking for a reason. Because our relationships are close, emotional and deeply important to us, our brains often decide that we must be feeling “off” because our relationships are off. So we start thinking things like: We must be drifting apart… Something must be wrong with us… This should feel better than it does… But not every uncomfortable feeling this week comes from a problem in your relationship. This week is emotionally noisy, but it’s not emotionally accurate. Which is why it’s not the time for a big “We need to talk” conversation. So instead of letting your relationship take the hit for the hard emotions you’re feeling, here’s what will help instead. 1. Try to name your feelings accurately. Ask yourself: Am I exhausted? Am I disappointed? Am I coming down from weeks of being “on”? Am I reflecting on a year that didn’t go the way I hoped? Am I missing someone who was special to me?
If you don’t name what’s actually happening, you’ll be tempted to blame it on something else. 2. Get ahead of misinterpretation. If you notice yourself pulling back this week - being quieter, needing more time alone, feeling reflective or less emotionally available - share that with your partner or the people closest to you. If you’re noticing it, they probably are too. It can be as simple as saying: “I think I’m just crashing after the holidays. I’m tired and trying to manage my emotions this week, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with us.” When you leave people to guess why you feel distant, they often fill in the blanks with assumptions that aren’t true… and that can create problems that were never there. 3. Keep things steady - don’t try to solve anything. This is not the week to decide what your relationship means, where it’s headed, or what needs to happen next. Not because those questions don’t matter, but because timing matters. It’s not the right moment for big conversations or deep processing. It is the right time for steadiness and stability. That might look like: being in the same space while doing different things returning to a simple routine, like enjoying coffee together in the morning sharing quiet moments without needing deep conversation
Connection doesn’t have to be deep right now - it just needs to stay intact. And one important note before I close… If the holidays were hard, not because you were busy or exhausted, but because your relationship truly is in a difficult place - none of this is meant to minimize that. It’s meant to help you not make things heavier while you are tired, reflective, and emotionally raw. This just isn’t a reliable week to decide what your problems mean or what to do about them. Clarity comes when the dust settles and your nervous system has had a chance to reset. I want to also share that repair and change are possible. And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is just acknowledge that you don’t want to keep doing things the same way. If you need support, just reply to this email and let’s talk about it. And if you want to go deeper into why this week messes with our perspective - and how to move through it without making decisions you might regret - I talk more about this in this week’s Relating with Jen Funk podcast episode. I’d love for you to give it a listen by clicking the links below.
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