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I’ll be honest - I almost didn’t record my video podcast this week, and I almost didn’t send this newsletter. But instead of skipping it altogether, I decided to just tell you where I’m at and what’s been on my mind. I am feeling so sad. We had to say goodbye to our dog this week, and that sweet boy just filled my heart. If you’ve ever loved a pet deeply, then you know it’s never “just a dog.” They become woven into the fabric of your everyday life. Their routines become your routines. Their presence becomes comfort. And then suddenly… they’re gone. Now the house is all quiet. Everything feels a little off and a little empty. And at the same time, we’re walking through all the “lasts” with my youngest daughter as her senior year wraps up. Last games, last events, and last moments that have my eyes welling up on the daily. So it all feels pretty heavy for me right now, and I know you all probably have things going on in your lives that feel like that too. As we get older, it seems like grief starts showing up more often. Sometimes it’s losing a pet. Sometimes it’s aging parents. Kids growing up and moving out. Changes in relationships. Health scares. Dreams changing. Loss may look different at any given time, but it always feels heavy. And one thing I’ve noticed - both personally and in the couples I work with - is that grief doesn’t just affect us individually. It affects our relationships too. But sometimes it’s hard to recognize while it’s happening. We just start feeling more irritable. More disconnected. More emotional. More exhausted. We snap more easily. We withdraw. We stop communicating well. And we often assume others - especially our partners - should know what we need. And when they don’t, we take it personally. Or call them insensitive. Or get our support elsewhere. Or, maybe they are grieving too. Maybe you are both suffering a loss of some kind. But your grief looks completely different. One of you wants to talk constantly. The other gets quiet. One of you needs closeness. The other needs space. One of you cries openly. The other throws themselves into work, projects, schedules, or distractions. And sadly, we often experience those differences as rejection instead of different ways of processing pain. One of the most important things we can do during hard seasons is stop expecting ourselves - or each other - to function normally. Because grief is exhausting. And we don’t function normally when we are exhausted. And so it’s important that we try to offer each other some grace during these times. Grace for the big emotions… the emotional swings… the silence… the bad days. If we don’t, we start turning away from one another, instead of turning towards each other. And I don’t mean you have to suddenly become some perfectly emotionally available couple who sits and processes feelings for three hours every night. But I do mean that those tiny moments of connection (that always matter!) matter more during this time than ever. So touch each other. Have a quick check-ins. Sit together instead of separately. Tell one another, “I know this is hard.” Give each other the benefit of the doubt and all the grace you can muster. If you are in one of those heavy seasons like I am right now, here are just a few things to try this week that might lighten the emotional load and keep you connected to those you love: Pay Attention to Your AssumptionsBefore deciding your partner is distant, insensitive, or doesn’t care… consider whether they may also be overwhelmed, grieving, stressed, or emotionally exhausted. Or ask yourself, “Do I need to be more specific in asking for what I need to feel supported?” Say It Out LoudSo many couples silently carry heavy things beside each other without ever actually acknowledging them. Even something as simple as “I think we’re both carrying a lot right now” or “I’m at emotional capacity and need some support” can turn you towards one another instead of away. Lower the BarUnder normal circumstances, you may be a pretty confident, capable person. But under these circumstances, you have to adjust your expectations. This may not be the time for productivity, perfect communication, or having everything together. That grace I was speaking of? You’ve got to give it to yourself too. And one final thought as I reflect on this hard week… We called all 3 of my kids home over the weekend to say goodbye to our sweet dog. And all you moms out there know, there isn’t anything harder than watching your children experience pain. And while my kids were hurting, I had to remind myself that I didn’t have to hold myself or anything else together for them. I just needed to be real and honest and sit in that pain with them. There is something really healthy about kids seeing adults experience sadness, loss, tenderness, emotion, and love. It shows them that grief is just a part of loving deeply. So many of us were raised to hide emotions or push through it quickly. But healing happens when people feel safe enough to be honest, feel the feelings and move through them at their own pace. I go much deeper into all of this in this week’s podcast episode of Relating with Jen Funk, where I talk honestly about grief, emotional exhaustion, relationships during hard seasons, and how to stay connected when life feels heavy. You can watch or listen using these links:
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