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Did you know your relationship has an emotional bank account? It’s a metaphor my husband, KC, and I love, and when we are intentional about it, our relationship is definitely at it’s best! Originally coined by Stephen Covey and expanded on by Dr. John Gottman, this metaphor helps explain why some couples thrive through stress, and others crumble under it. It’s very simple: Every time you show love, kindness, patience, or follow through on something you said you'd do, you're making a deposit in your account.
Every time you're critical, dismissive, distracted, or break a promise, you're making a withdrawal from your account. Think about how you feel when you have lots of money in your actual bank account… You feel more secure, at ease, and more confident about your future. Similar to your financial bank account, when your emotional bank account is full, your relationship feels: On the flip side, think how it feels when real money is running low - you are likely stressed, fearful, uptight and on edge. Similarly, when our emotional bank account is running low, even small problems can feel like big ones. You both are more sensitive, more reactive, and less generous with each other. So what can you do about it? Be intentional about making small, consistent deposits to grow your emotional bank account, such as: Say “thank you” for anything and everything - even the little stuff! (Don’t take your partner’s efforts for granted!) Make eye contact when they’re speaking (Put down those phones!) Send a quick check-in text during the day (Let them know you are thinking about them!) Reach out for a hug, a kiss, or even a touch on the arm or back. (Small physical connections make a BIG emotional impact!)
Want a challenge?
Try tracking your deposits and withdrawals for a few days… Not to judge yourself, but to understand what’s building up your relationship and what’s wearing it down. Because just like with money, we can’t always avoid withdrawals. We are imperfect people and we will say or do something that hurts our partner on occasion. But the healthiest relationships are the ones with regular, intentional deposits. Because health is dependent on wealth in our emotional bank accounts. Now get out there and start making those deposits! ❤️ With love and belief in you,
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