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Are you in a relationship right now where nothing is really wrong… but nothing really feels right either? Like you’re not fighting all the time, but you’re also not really connecting? You’re doing life together - managing kids, schedules and work. But it doesn’t feel like you’re “together.” It feels like you’re just… coexisting. And it’s such a weird place to be, because it’s not bad enough to panic and call a divorce lawyer. But… it’s also not good enough to feel the way you actually want to feel. And you wonder, is this just what happens? Do all married people or couples in long-term relationships eventually feel this way? Now don’t let this discourage you (I promise there is hope if you keep reading!), but the short answer is yes. I believe almost every couple will experience this at some point in a long-term relationship. But the good news is - this doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It usually just means it’s been… neglected a little. So why do we do this? Well, because life gets busy. And somewhere along the way, you stopped doing the small things that actually create connection. And when most couples experience this, they wait to FEEL close again before they start trying to change it. And that’s exactly what keeps them stuck in that place - sometimes for years. But it doesn’t work that way… You can’t just sit around waiting for the “feeling” to come back. (It won’t.) You have to DO the things that create the feeling. That’s when it comes back. So I want to give you something super simple and doable. These are not overwhelming or complicated. Just 5 habits that will bring a relationship back to life. 1. Say one thing you appreciate. Every single day.It’s not enough to just think it. You have to say it. “Thank you for doing that.”
“I appreciate you.”
“I noticed that and it meant a lot.” Because if you don’t say it… they don’t feel it! And this one habit alone can completely shift the tone of your relationship. Research tells us that couples who express appreciation for their partner report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. This matters! (I created a couples gratitude journal that gives you a simple way to start this daily habit by writing it down and trading it back and forth.) 2. Touch each other (at least 4 times a day!).This one sounds so small…and so obvious - but it’s huge. A hug. A kiss. A hand on their back when you walk by. A hand on the leg when you are sitting together. Physical contact builds connection without ever having to have a conversation. If you want real connection again, start touching your partner again. 3. Spend 10 minutes together - every day.No phones. No TV. No multitasking. Pick a good time each day (after dinner? before work over coffee?). Then just sit and talk about what matters to you again. Not about logistics. About you. 4. Have a weekly “get on the same page” meeting.This is where you stop running your life separately and actually start working as a team again. When KC and I get frustrated with each other because the planning of the week fell apart in one way or another, it’s because we didn’t meet to talk about it. So have a standing meeting on the calendar to talk about the week - what’s coming up, what feels stressful, and where you need support. 5. Plan a weekly date (and keep it simple).This is about remembering: “Oh yeah, we actually like each other.” It does NOT have to be fancy or elaborate or expensive. It is way more about how you show up for each other during this time than what you are actually doing. If you want ideas, just reply to this email and I’ll send you my full list of easy, creative date nights (some of my favorites are super simple and honestly more fun than going out!). And if starting off with all 5 of these habits feels overwhelming, just pick one. Pick the one that feels easiest - the one you know you can stick to. And once you have done it enough that it becomes a habit? Add in another one. If you want to get started with this, but worry about staying consistent, I made a free guide for you that walks you through all 5 habits in a really simple way: 👉 “5 Simple Habits to Improve Your Relationship Today” It’s something you can come back to anytime things start to feel off. And if you’re in that distant place in your relationship and want to go deeper into these habits, you can listen to this week’s podcast or watch on YouTube to learn: why relationships slowly drift what’s really happening when nothing feels right how to turn it around (even if it’s been a while)
You can watch or listen using the links below. (And if you do - please like, follow and subscribe! Or you can leave a review or a comment and let me know what you think of it!)
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