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Have you ever caught your partner in a lie and thought… Why would they lie about THAT? Not something huge… something small. Like saying they paid a bill… when they didn’t.
Or “I didn’t see your text”… when they did.
Or “nothing’s wrong”… when something clearly is. And it’s confusing, right? Because it’s not always the lie itself that’s the biggest problem. It’s what it makes you start wondering. What else aren’t they telling me?
Can I trust what they say?
Am I overreacting… or is something actually off? That feeling - that uncertainty - is one of the hardest places for a relationship to live. And what most people don’t realize, is that people usually don’t lie because they’re terrible people, or because they are trying to hurt their partner. They lie because telling the truth feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s to avoid an argument.
Sometimes it’s to avoid disappointing you.
Sometimes it’s because they feel embarrassed or ashamed. And in the moment, those little lies don’t feel like a big deal. But over time, they create distance between you. So here is what I want you to know: Every relationship creates an environment. People learn very quickly what happens when they tell the truth. If telling the truth leads to frustration, criticism, or a big reaction… they start to avoid it. But if telling the truth leads to “Okay… let’s figure this out,” or “I’m glad you told me,” then honesty starts to feel safer. So if you want more honesty in your relationships - with your partner, your kids, your family - here are a few simple places to start this week: Pay attention to your reaction.
When someone tells you something you don’t love, notice your first response. Is it anger? Frustration? Even the smallest shift toward a more calm or curious reaction can change what they feel safe sharing next time. Make it easier to admit mistakes.
None of us get it right all the time. We all make mistakes and bad decisions on occasion. But the more a relationship feels like a place where you can say “I messed up” without it turning into blaming, shaming or criticism, the more honest it becomes. Take the risk and tell the truth.
If you are the one tempted to tell a little lie to avoid a conversation you don’t want to have or an argument you’re not up for, know this…
Avoiding the truth always creates more distance. Honesty is what keeps you connected. And this isn’t just about romantic relationships. It shows up with your kids, your friends, and even within your family. If a child feels like telling the truth is going to get them yelled at or in trouble, they learn pretty quickly to hide things. If a friend feels like they’re going to be judged or criticized, they hold back too. People are more honest when they feel safe - when they know they can mess up, tell the truth, and not be torn down for it. In this week’s Relating with Jen Funk podcast episode, I go much deeper into this - including why people lie, how it impacts trust over time, and what actually helps change the dynamic. If this topic hit home for you, I think it will really make a difference. You can watch on YouTube or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts using the links below. (And if you do - please like, follow and subscribe! Or leave a comment and let me know what you think of it!)
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