|
I've been lying awake at 3:00 AM a few times this week. Could be menopause. Or it could be that I have too much on my mind to only process during waking hours. And nothing is wrong… I just have some really hard decisions to make. The kind where there isn’t a right or wrong answer… in fact, both answers could be right. And these decisions don’t just affect me - they affect KC too. Which means we have to navigate them together. This fall, we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We've always talked about taking a big bucket-list trip to celebrate the occasion. But at the very same time... Our youngest daughter leaves for her freshman year of college. And so I’m conflicted. Do we really leave the country and head across the world for two weeks while she's only a few weeks into college? What if she's homesick? What if she needs me? Or... what if she doesn't? What if she's living her best life, and I'm the one who's struggling? (I hear empty nesting is not for the faint of heart.) Then there's another decision. I really want another puppy after losing our sweet dog a few months ago. My heart is definitely ready. But KC doesn't… he wants more time. Neither of us is wrong. We're just in different places emotionally. And as I was thinking on these decisions in the wee small hours of morning, I realized that they are really less about the vacation and the puppy specifically, and more about our values and what each choice represents. I think hardest decisions we make aren't between a good choice and a bad choice. They're between two good choices. Two things that both matter. Two things that both deserve a "yes." But the problem is... life only lets us choose one. 😔 Think about it… Maybe you're deciding whether to take a promotion, but that means less family time. Maybe you're wrestling with a financial decision, a move, or what's best for your aging parents or one of your kids. Whatever decisions you’re facing, here are a few things we're asking ourselves that have been helping us work through it. First, determine what each choice represents. Our big anniversary trip represents fun, adventure, and celebrating 25 years of working hard to build this beautiful marriage together. And being available for Natalie as she experiences this huge life transition represents the mother I am, the mother I want to be, and knowing that all doesn’t end when she turns 18. Once you understand what each choice represents, you can focus on what really matters to you both (and not get distracted by the details that don’t). So ask your partner directly: "Help me understand why this matters so much to you." Understanding each other won't always change the decision, but it almost always changes the energy of the conversation and impacts your relationship for the better. Next, determine which value needs to take priority right now. Just because we have a tough choice ahead of us, doesn’t mean I have to choose which matters more - my marriage or my daughter. And it’s a good thing, because that would be impossible. My top two values in life are my marriage and being a good parent to my kids. So instead, I’m asking myself - which one needs more of me right now? That’s the question that helps me make a decision without compromising my values. And finally, once you've made the decision… let it be. Every meaningful choice comes with a cost. If you spend the next days, months, or however long, wondering whether you should have chosen differently, you won’t be able to fully enjoy the choice you actually made. So make your decision… and trust it. And by the way, since we’re still working through these decisions, I clearly don't have all the answers. But I do know this… Years from now, I probably won't remember every decision I made. But I will remember how I made them. Did I listen well? Did I love my people well? Did my choices reflect what mattered most? If you're facing one of those super hard "good versus good" decisions right now, I hope this encourages you. And if you’re willing, would you hit reply and let me know what you’re trying to choose between? One of my favorite parts of writing this newsletter is hearing what's happening in your lives. Your stories remind me that none of us are navigating these seasons alone. They also help me create future podcast episodes and newsletters, because if you're wrestling with something, chances are someone else is too. I read every email, and I'd love to hear from you. :) If you connected with this topic, check out this week's podcast. I go much deeper into the five questions KC and I are using to navigate these decisions together - without turning each other into the enemy. If you're facing a "good versus good" decision in your own life or relationship, I think it'll really help. You can watch the podcast episode on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify using the links below.
|
