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It’s vacation season, which probably means sun, suitcases… and at least one road trip that tests your patience. I know this because there was a stretch of our marriage when road trips brought out the worst in my husband, KC, and me. Our road trips would go a little something like this: KC would pack for himself. I’d pack for myself and the three kids. Then KC would load the car and be in the driver’s seat right at the agreed-upon departure time, while I was still running in and out of the house, grabbing sunscreen, chargers, car snacks, and that one lovey no one could sleep without. By the time I finally got in the car, I was sweating, exhausted, stressed about what I might’ve forgotten… and 20 minutes late. (or 30…whatever!) Meanwhile, KC was already irritated. At best, I was met with tense silence. More often, there’d be an exchange of blame, a quick argument over who was at fault… and then silence. For hours. And that’s how we’d kick off our “fun family getaway.” Yippeeee! And with that kind of tension right out of the gate, God forbid I needed a bathroom break. I would actually hope one of the kids had to go first, just so I didn’t have to be the one to delay us even more. And of course, there was no dawdling allowed. KC would be in and out and back waiting in the car before I even got the toilet paper down on the seat. So… more silence. Even from the kids, who could feel the tension in the car. And then to make up for “lost time,” KC would drive like it was the final lap of the Indy 500. I’ve spent entire drives bracing myself, one hand on the armrest, trying to enjoy the scenery while also silently calculating our chances of survival. Occasionally, I’d let out a dramatic “Can you PLEASE slow down?!” or do my signature “air brakes” move - hands flying forward from the passenger seat like I could somehow stop us myself. (KC loved that, by the way.) Basically, our only hope was that the trip was long enough for our emotions to settle before we arrived. And thankfully, most of the time, they did… and we could move on and enjoy the vacation. But why am I retelling these stories to you? Clearly not to make you sad you never got to road trip with the Funk Family! The point is to show how easily resentment, misunderstanding, and mismatched expectations can sneak into even the most well-intentioned moments - especially when you’re stressed, tired, or just trying to get out the door. Because the disaster of those road trips had nothing to do with sunscreen, bathroom breaks, or how fast KC was driving. It was about both of us feeling unseen. It was about not understanding what mattered most to the other person. So let’s break that down from the beginning: When I got in the car, late and flustered, and was greeted with irritation, I felt totally unappreciated. I mean, did he even realize all I had to do to get myself and three children packed and ready for a week-long vacation? Meanwhile, KC felt disregarded. We had agreed on a departure time. He had done his part - packed, loaded the car with beach chairs, umbrellas and coolers, and he was ready to go. To him, the delay was unnecessary and avoidable. And now, the trip he was already dreading (because hours in the car is not his favorite) was off to a chaotic, stressful and late start. And as the silence stretched on, I just felt sad about it. The journey was part of the vacation in my mind. I wanted to make memories in the car. Sing songs, have real conversations, soak it all in. For KC, he wanted that too… just not yet. He’s a destination guy. His vacation doesn’t start until we arrive. He wanted to get there - quickly, efficiently, and with as few detours as possible. And I was slowing us down. Eventually, after many road trips that started in frustration and ended in silence, we figured something out: We both needed to communicate what we hoped for, what we needed, and what we expected before we ever left the driveway. Because once we understood what mattered to each other, we could stop assuming the worst and start making small, meaningful adjustments to support one another. These days, KC jokingly calls himself “Mr. Road Trip Guy.” He pops in his headphones and listens to podcasts for most of the drive. I still hate that a little… but honestly, it works better for both of us. I don’t feel rushed. He’s calmer. And he gets to tune out and recharge, or pop into a conversation when he feels like it. It’s not perfect. But it’s progress. And that’s the part I really want you to take away from this. Not that you need to love every minute in the car. Not that you have to agree on how fast to drive or how many bathroom breaks are acceptable. But that even in something as simple (and stressful) as a road trip, there are opportunities to better understand each other… if you take the time to share your needs and listen to theirs. So whether you’re planning a big family vacation or just a Saturday errand run, here are a few things long drives have taught me about relationships, and what might help yours, too: PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS: Check your load. If one person is carrying the bulk of the mental load - packing, planning, prepping - it will show up loudly in the car. ➡ Try making a shared list ahead of time and divide it fairly. Let go of assumptions about who “usually” does what. Discuss expectations before the key’s in the ignition. Are you in “let’s talk and make memories” mode while your partner is in “let’s get there and survive this” mode? That mismatch leads to disappointment - every time. ➡ Ask each other: What do you need on the drive to feel good? How do you want to start this trip emotionally? Honor your travel styles. Some people (🙋♀️) want to enjoy the ride. Others (🙋♂️) just want to get there already.
➡ You don’t have to change each other, but you do need to acknowledge and respect the difference.
Create space for quiet… on purpose. Silence doesn’t always mean something’s wrong. Sometimes it’s a gift. ➡ Agree ahead of time on when you’ll connect and when it’s okay to just listen to music, a podcast, or nothing at all. Speak up with kindness. Whether it’s about slowing down or stopping to pee, how you say it matters.
➡ Try “I’d feel more relaxed if we eased up a little” instead of “WHY ARE YOU DRIVING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON?!”
So, in conclusion, road trips used to bring out the worst in us. And now? They’re certainly not the best part of the trip, but they’re better. And better is enough. With love and belief in you,
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