|
If you’re anywhere near my age, you probably remember that iconic scene from the movie, Jerry Maguire. It’s the big finale when Tom Cruise, teary-eyed, looks at Renee Zellweger and says: “You complete me.” At the time? We all melted. (I mean, who didn’t?) It was peak 90s romance, and it felt like the ultimate definition of love. But in reality, that infamous one-liner planted a subtle but powerful idea in our heads - that true love should make us feel “complete,” like our partners are supposed to fill every gap we feel inside. And that idea may have set a lot of us up for disappointment. You see, when we’re feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, or like something is missing in our lives, it’s easy to assume our partner is supposed to fix it or make it better. We start looking to them for reassurance, excitement, or even purpose… basically asking and expecting them to fill every emotional gap we feel. And when they don’t (because they can’t), we feel let down… even frustrated or resentful. And we may have thoughts like: “If my partner can’t make me happy, there’s something wrong between us… maybe he/she should try harder… maybe I’d be happier alone.” This can be really dangerous thinking… because we take an internal problem - our own lack of fulfillment or joy - and mislabel it as a relationship problem. And if we stay in that space long enough, those feelings of disappointment and disconnection can actually create real problems in our relationship. If you feel empty inside and have nothing that lights you up, your partner will never be able to pour enough into you to change that. No partner - no matter how loving, thoughtful, or attentive - can singlehandedly make us happy. That’s our work to do. But when we don’t realize that, we unknowingly set both ourselves and our relationship up for unnecessary difficulties. I learned this firsthand about eight years ago. Our kids were getting older and busier. I began to feel restless, even bored, and felt like I was living for everyone else and losing myself along the way. And I found myself looking to KC to make me feel better, like he should be the one to bring more joy and fun into my world - like it was his job to pull me out of it. But the reality was, KC was just doing his thing - being a great dad and a great husband. He was supportive, but he wasn’t able to fix my uncomfortable feelings… That was MY job. And at the time, I wasn’t doing anything to fill my own cup. Until… Tennis! At the age of 45, I began playing tennis. and: 🎾 I made new amazing friendships I didn’t even know I needed! ❤️ 🎾 I remembered how good it feels to learn something new! And to keep challenging myself to get better!💪🏻 🎾 And the skirts! They brought back a fun, playful part of me I hadn’t felt in years (hello, cheerleading flashbacks!)📣 But it wasn’t just about tennis - it was about having something that was mine! Something that energized me, stretched me, and reminded me I’m a whole person outside of being a wife and mom. And you know what? Once I stopped expecting KC to fill the gaps in my happiness and started filling them myself, it felt like everything shifted a little. I felt lighter, more energized, and happier! And ironically? That change in me made our relationship better, too. Because when you take responsibility for your own happiness, you stop putting pressure on your partner to be everything for you… and you get to enjoy them for who they are, not who you need them to be. This Week’s Action Steps1️⃣ Check in with yourself. Ask: Have I been expecting my partner to “fix” my happiness? Be honest… Are you putting pressure on your partner or your relationship to fill a gap that really needs your own attention? 2️⃣ Find one thing that’s just for YOU. It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe it’s signing up for a class, joining a group, trying a new sport, revisiting an old hobby, or even scheduling time for a solo walk or coffee date. The point is to do something that lights you up. 3️⃣ Notice the ripple effect. Pay attention to how you feel when you invest in yourself… and how that energy spills over into your relationship. When you feel more whole and fulfilled, you show up differently (and better!) with your partner. I’d love to hear from you! What’s one thing you’re doing just for you this week? Hit reply and tell me. I read every message, and I’m always cheering you on! With love and belief in you,
|
